Advancing to psychosexual therapy   I trained under Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan at New York Hospital-Cornell University Medical School, and her method goes one step further than just the behavioral treatment described in the "Sex Therapists Give the Best Homework" section of this chapter. Some people have more deep-seated problems, and they may literally be stopping themselves from enjoying sex.   In that case, we sex therapists have to delve a little bit further into our clients backgrounds to see if we can spot the source of what keeps them from functioning well sexually. The problem may be something that hap- pened to them as children, including their relationship with their parents, or it may have to do with their relationship to their spouse. Whatever the prob- lem is, after the client and the sex therapist have identified it, we should be able to resolve it. As far as Im concerned, if I feel the trouble is too deep- seated, I often refer that client to a psychologist.     Sex Therapists Give the Best Homework   You know what my favorite part of sex therapy is? Giving my clients their homework assignments. After the clients and I have talked about the prob- lems they face and identified the causes, they need to take action. This action doesnt take place in my office, but in the privacy of their own home.   If Ive seen several clients in one day and given them all homework assign- ments, later that night I can sit back and picture in my mind what all of them, per my instructions, are doing. And thats one of my favorite parts of my profession - that and the thank yous from the people whom Ive helped to overcome a sexual problem. Assignment 1: The start-stop method Many of the problems that people bring to me have to do with sexual illiter- acy. One or both partners just dont know some very basic things about their own sexuality. For example, if a man has problems with premature ejacula- tion, he doesnt know how to recognize the premonitor y sensation, that point of his arousal that if he goes beyond, he cant stop himself from having an orgasm and ejaculating (see Chapter 20). To cure himself of his problem, the man has to learn to recognize that moment when he cant stop his orgasm. He does this by practicing getting right up to that point and then stopping. If he has a partner, I tell him to go home and practice what is called the stop-start technique. In this method, his partner arouses him with her hand or mouth (at this point in their treatment I usually forbid intercourse), he signals to her when he feels that he is getting to the point of orgasm, and she stops. The more the couple practices this technique, the better he can recognize the sensations and stop himself. (I describe this process in greater detail in Chapter 20.) So that you dont think Im mean, I do let the man have an orgasm after one of these sessions; hes just not allowed to do it through intercourse. The